Invitation to a Beheading (M3 7LW)

Austin Collings.

The toilet that is England just got shitter it seems in post-Brexit/post- Euro-games exit

Britain. Sophisticates, making statements of explanation, twisting complex

arguments into a sad circus of Eton-ego. We've hit the rotten bottom. I choose

to remain impassive, to view it all as a piece of bizarrely compelling theatre with an

ambitious running time. "What have I told you about reading the paper? " as I heard

an old wife tell her old husband on the bus the other day. Good question/sound

advice. The misery only multiplies once youv'e stopped looking at Kate Moss.


There doesn't seem to be much music left in England to dance to - or so they'd have

us believe. But down at THE WHITE HOTEL (M3 7LW), fuelled by all sorts of

substances the dancing takes on all sorts of shapes and would last forever if only the

guillotine of work wasn't looming in the near-distance. When I stare at people

dancing it's like art that haunts a room. In those single shining moments we are



The hope is: all the trouble I've known will be gone once I'm through the doors. And

so it is, for a long and exciting while as you go beyond the grim limits of self,

hammering the bottle from 12am – 8am, sometimes forgetting that you are

actually still awake. If only the inevitable wasn’t on the horizon. The big W. The

working week doesn't seem to deserve the effort of these people. Not in our addled-

eyes anyway. Don't let them go to waste staring into vague spaces and sun-struck

walls. There is another life and other deaths.


Here is the first instalment of THE WHITE HOTEL GUIDE TO

IMMORTALITY. What looks distinctly like a guide to a sinister cult is in fact a guide

to a sinister cult but in it's early virgin days. Hopefully, in time, somebody will truly

lose their mind and we'll be held happily responsible. Inside, it contains the written

debut of England's favourite pop and rock combo BEAT LES, alongside the

first edition of THE MOLE PEOPLE super-hero comic which has recently been

optioned by D-NILSEN films with Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Allen and Jennifer

Lawrence mooted to play the three leads. We’re certain it will be a huge success.

Read the first instalment of THE WHITE HOTEL GUIDE TO IMMORTALITY here

Shallows release debut single 'Pale'

Shallows release debut single 'Pale'

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A guide to Richard Linklater